{Updated October 11, 2009}
#1 aka Warrior aka VDog’s husband. There is a reason he is Cracker #1. No further details available at this time.
#2 aka VDog. Damn near 30, blog-at-home Mom to one adorable Little Man. Sometimes scares people with her ascorbic acid. Total Cracker.
#3 aka The Bates. Was the idea founder of The Crackers. Wanted to be a step above White Trash. Did not know VDog’s real name until many years after first meeting her.
#4 aka Amy aka Aimster aka A-Dawg. 30, married to Cracker #4.2 (who is not enough of a total Cracker to warrant his own number). VDog’s BBFF and first long-term Craigslist relationship. #4 tried hard to fight her Cracker status but eventually admitted that she indeed was one.
(This concludes the Original Four Crackers.)
#5 aka Little Man fka Little Bunny. Dubbed #5 while still in-utero. Makes his Cracker parents proud daily.
Along the way, we’ve added:
#6 aka Bryan aka “B.” Husband to #7 and Daddy to #8. Upon meeting Crackers 1 & 2 in the NICU, he said, “yo, be our friends or die!” Or something like that.
#7 aka K. WHOA! aka Woody. Wife to #6 and Mommy to #8. One of VDog’s top bitches. Fer reals. Woody kicks it old skool SoCal style, even though she’s from Jersey. Yup, total Cracker.
#8 aka The Big Guy. Only the most awesome best friend #5 could ask for. Together in preemieness, they rawk it on the regular.
#9 aka CrackerGran. #8’s Grandma. She personally asked to be #9, so we obliged. Only a TRUE Cracker asks to have OFFICIAL Cracker status.
#10 aka The One We Can’t Remember If There Is One
#11 aka The Girl at the Body Lotion Shop who #2 and #7 decided was a total Cracker when she labeled #2’s product, “Da Crackah Mix” when asked to label it “The Cracker Mix” because she was that damn cool.
Also Featuring:
CrackerDog Sasha. The coolest bitch on the planet.
The GranCracker (no #), #1’s Mom and #5’s Grandma, aka Maminou. She’s Crackertastic. She came up with GranCracker all by herself, so you KNOW she’s a real Cracker. And she birthed #1 — it takes one to make one, ya know?
JC & CC — Neighbors across the street from Crackers #1-3; CC is Little Man’s girlfriend.
MOJO aka The Rice Cracker. VDog’s girl from back in the day (well, 1997. That’s as far back as VDog goes with any of her bitches.).
***NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR CRACKERS #’s 13 and UP!***
Please declare your Crackerness! Be proud!
~The Newest Crackers~
Rice Cracker (#2) aka BusyDad. Likes to virtual party with Crackers 1-3.
Jalapeno Cracker aka JustOneMiss aka Miss
#12 aka White Trash Mom aka Michelle Lamar, OH HAI she’s WHITE TRASH MOM. Of course she’s a cracker.
ABC aka Renee J Ross aka Cutie Booty Cakes {you’ll have to ask her what this means}
