VDog Blog

January 21st, 2010
Tags: Who Do I Think I Am?
Posted in Random Thoughts, VDog 17 Comments

{Girl Talk Thursday is a fun meme-y type thing. Click above for more.}

I’m certain I’ve talked about my pet peeves here before, but it’s always fun to talk about them ad nauseum.

•”Pet” anything — even the term “pet peeves” kinda peeves me. “Pet project,” “pet rock,” “pretty pet” and more all get the GAG from me.

•Calling Women’s underwear “panties.” Etymologically, an -ies ending connotes a diminutive quality to the subject. This means that OUR underwear are little pants. Call this feminism to the extreme, but you won’t catch me calling anything I wear “PANTIES.”

•People who complain about twitter-pimping and how they OMG are SO all about the writing, and then continue to pimp themselves and their blogs multiple times a day. Sorry, I just hit UNFOLLOW.

•Confusion of “their,” “there,” and “they’re.” And other spelling and grammar atrocities. (I, however, am not bothered by beginning a sentence with “And” apparently.)

•Children out in the world with dirty faces. I get that maybe you don’t want a screaming fit or whatever, but you won’t see my kid out with a dirty face. Unless he’s with his Dad. Heh.

Well, I’m fresh out. Visit today’s Girl Talk Thursday post for a funny set of peeves. I laughed. Snort.

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October 8th, 2009
Tags: self-realization, Who Do I Think I Am?
Posted in Mommyhood, Random Thoughts, VDog 15 Comments

Sometimes I want to unplug everything and drop out. Maybe I just need a vacation. One where I don’t break anything.

I’m not sure what I think unplugging will accomplish or “fix.”

I have a need to simplify my life and my commitments. I am overwhelmed easily. I try to cut out or avoid unnecessary static.

I want the channel flowing through my brain to be clear and full and peaceful.

I need to breathe.

I need space to expand my lungs and inhale life with steady, rhythmic beats, not shallow, frenetic syncopations.

I need to stretch out my limbs like I am reaching for that soft pillow of comfort that is constantly just out of reach.

I need to close my eyes and expand my chest cavity, arcing my arms backward, as if I were saluting the sun.

I need to sleep in deep dark caves of dreams that are magically filled with light and rainbows.

I want to be stern but loving, patient but punctual, open but aware.

I want to make sense of this new space and place in which I now live.

I want to be VDog. I want to be Victoria. I want to be Mother, lover, friend, sister, confidante, clown, vixen, firecracker, voice of reason, starter of ridiculousness, decision maker, and an individual.

I want to be ME.

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August 25th, 2009
Tags: 30 Days, patience, self-realization, thirty days of blank, vacation
Posted in Random Thoughts, VDog 3 Comments

Wanna catch up? Day 1/2, Day 3/4(?) & through Day 14.

I have to say that this “30 days of {blank}” thing is actually really working! Yes, there have been some circumstances that have enhanced my ability to stay more calm and patient — like getting more & better quality sleep. Taking a vacation with my boys and my dog.

But then there are things that have been kind of stressful — the loss of our employer-paid health insurance at the end of this month amidst me spectacularly breaking my ankle in three places.

There’s also the fact that I’ve been hopped up on goofballs for well over a week now — vicodin and norco — that could be helping smooth things along. Heh.

I’ve smiled and laughed at my son more. Felt less like wringing his neck (not for reals, people, just in my head).

Focusing on something intangible, rather than something concrete, like doing a workout video every day, has made all the difference for me. This is something I can work on all day, every day. If I have a slip up, it’s easy to get right back on the horse, because there’s no concrete evidence of NOT doing it.

Either you DO the workout video, or you DON’T. Either you stay on your food plan, or you don’t. Sure, you could do half the video and half your food plan, but just working on being more patient has made it easier for me to actually BE more patient.

Praise sweet sedative painkiller gods and a good surgeon for a put-back-together ankle and a wee bit more patience.

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August 14th, 2009
Tags: oddish, rentals, vacation
Posted in Random Thoughts 3 Comments

For some unknown reason, every vacation home rental we’ve stayed at (all THREE of them, lol) has had TEEEEENY coffee cups and margarita salt. Because apparently they want you drunk but not overly caffeinated. Or something.

Cofee-rita

Also? No place to store your food. Strange.

(Travel tip: Search “vacation rental” or “vacation house rental” + the city/area you want to stay in to find a great house for your vacation. Most offer longer term rental deals, and you have the benefit of having a kitchen and laundry room at your disposal. We are getting two free nights on a fourteen night stay, which, yannow, three or four free nights would be better, but I’ll take it.)

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December 10th, 2008
Posted in Crackers, Little Man, Random Thoughts, VDog, Warrior 12 Comments

Over Thanksgiving, Warrior, Little Man and I went on an unplugged vacation. We were out where the stars shine bright and the milky way is indeed, milky. There was no cell phone reception (NO iPhone!! ACK!) and no internet at the home we stayed in.

Here is a collection of random thoughts I would have Twittered (maybe) had I been able to Twitter. Enjoy:

(Thanksgiving Day 2008)
BACON!!

Waffles, coffee (baba)

Chill out.
Into town for Groceries.
Choo-choo train in store.
Dropped groceries.
Went to water to walk on bluffs.
Back for lunch.
Titi nap (that’s the Little Man’s nickname)

Mom & Dad cleanup & bird prep

Drinking hot chocolate out of a bowl, because the mugs here are SO TINY!! While Warrior does the dishes.

(Later)

This is definitely a Cracker house.

I LOVE MY BOYS!!!!

SCORE! Brand new Herbes de Provence in the spice rack!

A FOX!! So awesome! (In the yard.)

(Even later)

OH MY GOD THE FRIDGE SMELLS LIKE TURKEY

“My pants are going nowhere.” -Jack Johnson

GLove is SO HOTT

We need an HD sound system.

These thoughts are embarrassing.

(Later still)

On Myopia
Alt. On Being Myopic

The Art of Unplugging
Alt. On Unplugging
[ideas for guest post for ZoeyJane]

~ ~ ~
Random enough for you?

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October 23rd, 2008
Posted in Depression, Mommyhood, Random Thoughts, VDog 21 Comments

(Better settle in kids, it’s a long one (by VDog standards).)

I had posted two times in one week. Two times!! Not only in one week, oh no! In two days.

I knew it could quite possibly be a mistake even as I was hitting the “publish post” button. VDog just don’t publish two times a week, people. So I got cocky. I thought to myself, ‘wow! Now I have the rest of the week to slack off!’ blog wise, that is.

So I went about trying to be a good housewifey and mama. Dishes were unloaded. Laundry was done. Outings were had.

This same week was the week that the GranCracker left after a two week stay. She had been cooking dinner every night (AWESOME and gourmet n shit!) and was watching the Little Man every morning so that I could take a shower. Cuz honestly? Mama V don’t get showers more than two times a week either. Gross, I know.

So we’re trottin’ along, accomplishments stacking up, and then it hits me…the big bad depression. When really, what did I have to be depressed about? My life is actually really really good and I have a ton to be thankful for.

BUT, I have been prone to depression before and lived through deep dark recesses of time where sometimes I couldn’t even get out of bed. Times where I wouldn’t go to school for a week, or two weeks, and I would just cry. Or sleep. Or feel sorry for myself.

Because I DID have reasons. Reasons to feel worthless. Reasons to feel not good enough. Never good enough. Reasons too deep and dark for VDog’s Blog, so let’s just say four years of intense therapy made things much, much better.

And yet here I was, hit by a Mack truck of hormones and genetic predispositions that I couldn’t do anything about. I’ve always had a reason to be depressed, and this Fall, I really felt like, “SHIT! I’ve got a great life and I STILL feel depressed?? WTF?”

Dawn asked if there were any emotional minefields for me in September. Well there’s one personally big one, and then there’s the Country’s big one. There’s what Dawn and I have come to call “Dead Dad Day” or “Dead Dad Anniversary.” That’s the beginning of September for me, and then, of course, there’s the 9/11 Anniversary.

9/11 happened my Senior year of College. Warrior got me out of bed, and I sat, sleepy-eyed, and watched the horror on our television screen. It took a few weeks to sink in, and once again I fell into a depression and skipped two weeks of school. The only reason I ever return(ed) is because I, ya know, kinda cared about my grades and graduating ‘on-time’ and stuff.

Now I’m thinking it’s pretty ridiculous for me to think that I can get away from years of serious depression without having some sort of relapse. I got through all the worst times in my life without medication because both my therapist and I felt, well, I had serious reasons TO be depressed. I probably could have felt better a lot sooner WITH some meds though.

So here I am now, feeling magically better, but still considering that magic pill. Will it make me more effective as a person? Will it let me handle stress more evenly? Will it make me less VDog?

Another thing I’ve realized is that when I’m continually surrounded by more people than just the Little Man and Warrior (e.g., GranCracker’s visit), I get a HUGE let down afterwards. It’s happened to me a couple of time before, and I know now that I need to watch out for THAT minefield as well. I’m learning that I truly enjoy being more social and when that “village” disappears, I get depressed.

As for my last post, I want to thank you all for your wonderful, supportive, helpful comments. My issue is that I keep having that hold-your-breath reaction, even though it is no longer founded. When someone asked me if Little Man was two months old when he was five months old, it really hurt me since I felt like he was getting to look more age-appropriate. I guess that is just sticking with me, and frankly, it sucks. I know that the way to get over it is just to have it keep coming up and examine the feelings until I’m good with it and it doesn’t come up anymore.

I know this because I’ve done it before and it’s how I’ve dealt with most of my issues. I just need more time. Like ZoeyJane said, I’ve got a few more years to milk this whole preemie thing.

There’s more to say, but maybe I should keep it for next week. (HA!)

Thank you all for your love and support, it means the world to me.

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September 8th, 2008
Posted in Random Thoughts, VDog 29 Comments

My claim to fame, or one of my reasons for notoriety, amongst my (mostly 6+ year older than me) friends is the fact that I was *barely* born in the 70’s. That’s right, folks, VDog *just* made it into the world in time to be born in 1979. Two weeks to spare, even.

So why in the heck am I writing a post about the 80’s? To gloat that I was but a wee lass while many of you got to come of age during the most awesome-est decade EVAH?? No, because CityMama had a whole week (or so) of ’80’s themed posts, and I felt inspired.

Here’s a few of my favorite things from the 1980’s:

Toys: Care Bears (I loved the one with the heart), Cabbage Patch Kids (I always wanted a preemie one and never got one; however in real life I DID have a preemie, strange, right?), My Little Pony’s, my super awesome boy’s BMX dirt bike (I could be a tomboy like that).

TV/Movies: He-Man (I have the POWER!!!) and his not-quite-as-cool counterpart, She-Ra, The Smurfs, the aforementioned Care Bears, and then moving on to super cool shows like Full House and Perfect Strangers. My older sister and I LOVED watching Dukes of Hazzard and The A-Team when our parents were busy minding our two younger siblings.

One of the first movies I saw in the theaters was Return of the Jedi. Our whole house was seriously obsessed with Star Wars. (Oh Luke, he’s SOOO cute! *swoon*) We had the tapes of Star Wars and The Empire Strikes Back, so even though I was only six, I had seen both prequels numerous times before I learned about Ewoks.

Music: While the rest of you, I’m sure, were listening to some super cool New Wave music, I was listening to KIIS FM (home of Rick Dees in the morning).
I dove head first into Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, Martika (oh yes I did), and eventually, New Kids on the Block. Joey was my favorite. Of course, Madonna was there, but she was my BFF’s fave, and you CAN’T have the same favorite singer. Like, fer reals.

Clothes: And then there was the leggings. And stirrup pants (PLEASE tell me you didn’t wear those). The legwarmers were HAWWWT. As were the Jelly shoes. Don’t forget the Guess? Jeans and jean jackets (but DON’T wear both at once!).

Then, of course, there was the Aqua-Net necessary Wave Bang hair-do:

Don’t even try to hide the fact that you lurved your Aqua Net, too.

Why did YOU love the 80’s?

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August 13th, 2008
Posted in Crackers, Profile of a Cracker, Random Thoughts, VDog 17 Comments

Yesterday’s post may have been a wee-tad overly dramatic. Ahem. That’s what happens when you get stream of consciousness then push “Publish Post.”

In addition to my flair for the dramatic, I also have a slew of other neuroses. Shall we get right to it?

1) I have self-diagnosed attention deficit disorder. I can rarely finish a task without coming back to it (save diaper changes and other must-do-now kidlet related tasks).

-When I actually get up the nerve to clean the house, you can guaran-damn-tee that I won’t finish unloading the dishwasher before I go wipe down the coffee table, then change the laundry, while picking up and dropping things off randomly around the house.

-This annoys Warrior to no end, shaking his head and sighing at me, because he’s actually good at cleaning AND he manages to stay focused and finish each task one at a time.

-It’s almost as though I can’t finish a task because the thought of what I’m doing (i.e., actually CLEANING, something I’d rather NOT be doing) is too much for me to bear – so I need to break it up into small bits so that the task doesn’t seem so ominously LARGE.

-I get distracted by shiny things, loud noises, and the sound of my brain ticking.

2) I’m a yeller. I was the designated loud person in my family growing up, which had it’s rewards and punishments. I loved calling all three of my siblings to dinner, but at the same time, I got spanked for yelling up the stairs once when my brother was a sleeping infant. I can kind of get that now, but holy hot hell, can you say mixed messages?

-I have for the most part curbed this behavior over the years, mostly at Warrior’s insistence, because he don’t roll like that. I DO NOT want to be The Mom That Yells At Her Kid.

-Sometimes this behavior slips out because…

3) I can be a bit of a hot head. There are times when a rage sprouts up inside me and it takes everything I have to keep it down. Blow ups DO still occur, but on a much smaller scale than they used to.

-I was the Queen of the bottled-up rage as a teenager.

-Now I don’t bottle it up (much) and have extricated toxic people from my life to help facilitate this. (I’ve also worked on it in therapy and stuff.)

4) I have had anxiety of the “I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, and gosh darnit, nobody likes me” variety.

-Occasionally the evil voices of self-doubt still spring up on me when I am least expecting them.

5) I have had anxiety on the social functions/crowds/panic attack spectrum.

-My first panic attack was when I was 16. I was Christmas shopping with my older sister at a Wherehouse Music store when it all got to me – the lights, the warm store, the people – and I had to get the eff outta there as my heart was pounding, my breathing became rapid and my head started spinning (NOT literally, people, geez!).

*
I’m already losing my focus here (actually I’ve been back and forth on this post for an hour now, so…), I JUST realized my coffee is in the microwave (I found peas from last night in there when I put my coffee in), and…wait, what was I saying again?

Oh yeah, this edition is closed. For now. I can’t promise more of them. But, I WILL NOT BE ASHAMED OF MY NEUROSES. (Even if they ARE slightly embarrassing.)

Thanks to all mah Crackah friends for your support yesterday. I DID find the marker, and Little Man DID get in a (fairly) good nap. Life could have sucked more, that’s for sure.

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August 13th, 2008
Posted in Crackers, Random Thoughts, VDog 17 Comments

Do you ever wake up and just feel, in your heart of hearts, that the day is just going to be a complete and total housejob*?  And despite your best feeble efforts to have an attitude change, your heart still races ever so slightly when you think of the impending housejobs?

Today I feel like I’ve got too much to take care of and too many people to make happy.  I know everyone makes their OWN happiness, so why I feel like I can affect the outcome of other people and at the same time housejob my own is most likely what people call irony.  Only it’s probably not REALLY irony just what people think irony means.

Confused yet? So is my brain right now.  The thing that is getting me most (besides the fact that I probably won’t get a shower in today) is that quite likely the Little Man’s nap will get farked for one reason or another, and I can barely stand the thought of a day without a good nap. Also, there’s a marker missing, and I can’t stand just having the cap sitting there mocking me, saying, “neener, neener, bet ya can’t find my mate! There’s TOTALLY gonna be washable brown marker all over EVERYTHING by the time you find it! HAHA!”

That is all.  Carry on.

*A housejob is another way of saying clusterf*ck, everything’s effed up, going wrong, turned out wrong, or is JUST NOT RIGHT.

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July 10th, 2008
Posted in Crackers, Random Thoughts, VDog 10 Comments

Say you’re VDog and you think, hmm, my eggplant parmesan doesn’t have enough cheese on it. Say, however, that you live in Casa de Cracker, and you don’t have any mozzarella in shred or di bufala style.

What do you do?

Why, slice up a string cheese, of course!

And look forward to little bits of yummy, melty goodness.

Cracker cooking: Cheese = good.

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