I first met Heather at BlogHer ‘08, during the Macy’s party.
Casey said, “This is Heather from ‘The Spohrs Are Multiplying. If you aren’t reading her, YOU SHOULD.’
Well, okay then!
I interacted with Heather intermittently on Twitter after BlogHer and knew that she was my kind of girl. The Cracker kind.
When we met at Blissdom, it was clear that we would be friends.
We both had preemies, we both liked to drink and cuss, we both just don’t give a fuck — a perfect union!
Our relationship was solidified on the plane ride home from Blissdom. I had to fly through LAX and Heather saved me a seat on the plane since I was the crackah-ass-crackah that got on the plane damn near close to LAST.
Heather and I talked BlogHer ‘09 and we cried — YES, we CRIED — about our darling preemie babies. On the gottdamn plane. This is when we bonded. For life.
Three weeks ago, Titi and I went down to Los Angeles to stay with the Spohrs for the 5 Minutes for Mom Ultimate Blog Party In Real Life (featuring Chris Mann) and we got to meet the illuminating spirit that was Maddie. (THREE FUCKING WEEKS AGO, PEOPLE. I was holding and loving and cuddling that little girl.)
Wrapped up in Mike’s arms when we walked through the door, Maddie and her infectious smile was the welcome mat for the Spohr household.
Titi and Maddie took to each other right away; acting almost like brother and sister.
When it was time for us to pack up and leave, my son didn’t want to go. Neither did I. Some people you just *connect* with. Some people are your Crackers. The Spohrs are my Crackers.
*******
Every time I open the computer, I am bombarded with purple and the sweet face of Miss Maddie Moo. Titi sees his friend and talks about her.
I don’t know if it’s a sick compulsion or what, but I asked him, “Do you want to hang out with Mama H and Maddie again?” Titi said, “YEAH.”
“Night night?” he asked.
I said, “you want to spend the night at Mama H’s house again?”
“YEAH!!”
I did not have the heart to say a damn thing.
*******
I am completely heartbroken and have been at a loss for words about this devastating tragedy. Tonight, I sat down to write because so many others have written such unbelievable tributes. I can do at least this much.
Tomorrow I will stand next to Heather and Mike, wishing that instead we were at their home, standing and playing with their dear daughter, Madeline, and not in a Church at Forest Lawn.
Tomorrow I will be strong for my friends. And even though I WILL cry, I will remain strong enough to hold their hands, and offer my shoulder, because I am the one with my precious preemie still alive. And they are not. And it crushes me. The weight of it all.
Our hopes and dreams and plans for our children to grow up as friends.
Dashed.
*******
Please join me tomorrow at 2:30pm Pacific time for a wonderful celebration of Madeline Alice Spohr’s LIFE. Maddie deserves a celebration. Maddie would want us to smile when thinking of her.
I’ll be the one in the purple shirt.
April 14th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
*sniff* I’ve been thinking about the Spohrs for over a week now, and you, and Titi, and sweet Maddie. Even though I wasn’t able to be there, didn’t know them as well as you; I too have been mourning for them and celebrating for Maddie. Rawking the purple. ;p
I hadn’t realized how close you two had become. Heartbreaking tragedy for sure. I thought of you all in LA today. Big *HUGS* to the Spohrs and all the folks rallying around them.
April 14th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
V– i hope you are feeling ok. What an unimaginable thing to have happened. You’re a great friend to Heather and I know what you mean about “connecting” with people. That’s great that you’ve found such a great friend in her. I wish Titi could have had a girlfriend for life. Anyway, miss you and hope you’re doing ok. Love, me
April 15th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
I am so so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend’s daughter. So extremely devastating
April 16th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
It makes my heart hurt but this post was healing…thank you, my friend.
April 16th, 2009 at 7:04 pm
Two of my kids were preemies too and the hell I went through… I guess that was part of the reason I felt compelled to attend the memorial service. It could have been my kids. There is a icky part of me that is questioning God. Why did my kids survive and Maddie didn’t. My kids were born at thesame gestational age as Maddie. I’ve been reading these Maddie posts everywhere–it is just SO heart wrenching.
April 17th, 2009 at 7:24 am
what a beautiful post. It was great meeting you the other day.